Thursday, December 20, 2007

All My Babies

From Chronicles of Thankfulness...

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Trials & Tribulations

If you happen upon this, I ask for your prayers. My newest Grandson, Austen is in the hospital, fighting to simply breathe. He was recently diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis and has Pneumonia in one lung. He's just a little guy and was foaming at the mouth, last night, struggling to breathe. They rushed him to the hospital.

Is it the sins of the father visited on his son? Is is because of the sins of the Father & Mother, meaning because of myself and my Husband, their Father?

This is my son, Waylon's second child, to be diagnosed with CF. Two children by two different women, both with CF. Of course, I want to stomp my boots at heaven and ask why? At the same time, my faith dictates to me that the Father has the situation at hand, has his eye on these children. I have to believe that it is all for a reason. That doesn't mean it's not more than painful.

In my life, if I've learned nothing else, it's that all things happen for a reason. I pray that reason is revealed. I pray that we all have the strength to rise above this. I pray that Austen's Mother, Gwen, has the ability to relish everyday, with this child. I pray for her calm assurance, that the Father does have his hand upon the situation. I pray that this curse, of the sins of the father and mother are dissipated, banished from my children and theirs. I pray that we see the blessings in this. I also pray that we will recognize that we must place ourselves in the position to be blessed. With this said, I pray my son will do right by his son, all of his children and realize the entire situation.
Please pray for Austen???

Thursday, December 13, 2007

My Resolution

I've been through hell as of late, my ass is certainly scorched, the hair singed off, as I skirted the gates of hell.

The Winds of Change are blowing and I look forward to the New Year. I'm standing up, not dancing as fast as I did but a bit more optimistic. While some say the glass is half full, others will say the glass is half empty. I will just be grateful for the water.

I've never been one for New Years Resolutions but this year, mine is to be a little less negative, a little more assertive and I'm done playing the Saint Barbara/Martyr role. That doesn't mean I will begin a daily regimen of negativity. No, it means I will begin an exercise of self preservation. I will seek out that which makes me laugh, those that love me unconditionally and a no holes barred approach, to a few important things/situations/scenarios. The biggest or most important of those things is, I will become the Matriarch of my family again. This New Year, I will have a goal to get back to a place, where "MY" family is there for holidays, I will cook that Turkey myself and have my children and grandchildren by my side.

Happy Holidays

What's your Resolution???

Friday, December 7, 2007

The Jar & Beer

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar...and the beer.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes." The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else--the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled. "I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers."

Friday, November 30, 2007

Worst Day of My Life/One of the Best Days of My Life

It was the hardest 17 hours, I think I ever endured...

Waylon, aka Wam, my youngest son, was on the road with a magazine selling crew. When he went on the road, he was promised just the Security job. He'd quit his job, a good job, he'd had in Iowa with the promise of good pay, out on the road. It was mostly a lie and Wam would pay dearly for it. It ended badly as the boss began losing his crew, money and pushed Wam out to sell mags. That was not the deal and the day after Thanksgiving, Wam's boss gave him the ultimatum to sell or go to hell. That boss had been lying to him, withholding money and this is why he was losing his entire crew. He knew that Wam had the power to jump to another crew and take the guys he had left. He almost did that but by the grace of God, I managed to make him think of another alternative.

Wam just had a new baby, in Iowa. Austen Cody, pictured here, is just 8 weeks old. He looks just like his Daddy, there's really no denying him and he's as precious as can be. Throughout, I'd began talking to Gwen, the baby's mother, in Iowa. A personable young lady, I found myself becoming close to her, really liking her. She loves my son, her family loves my son and they treat him like gold. Anybody that loves my son like this, is gold, in my eyes and God knows, I appreciate good people, especially in bad times.

I've been fighting an addiction to Opiates. After my surgery last February, I was on constant pain pills. I quickly built up a tolerance to the damn things. It took more and more to get rid of my pain. I also had little self-control and would take the pills, all day long. The problem lies in the fact that if you are given a certain amount, you are allowed, each day and it takes more of the pills than prescribed, for you to get relief, you will come up short. I was living for today but each and every time, I came up short, no pills, I would go through withdrawal. It's a nasty process. It makes me crazy, just the prospect of having to go through those flu like symptoms, intensified flu-like symptoms. I mean, if I told you that tomorrow, you will be exposed to the worst flu, you've every had, chock full of sickness and feeling as if you can't breathe, your heart is racing, no escape, you just might have some real anxiety, knowing it's coming. It made me crazy and I made some real bad choices, real bad. No money, no pills, no relief, no escape. I was real sick and trying to deal. Then the stuff with Wam, really began to unravel.

They told Waylon, he'd have to leave his Hotel by 9pm the next night. He did manage to get a little of his back pay, enough to rent a U-Haul with a $100 deposit and he'd received a little bit of money from his ex, also the mother of his child, Aries, Waylon's 3rd daughter, a beautiful little girl. It was just enough to get the truck, all of it combined. Now, what to do, with only a a 3/4 of a tank of gas and 1800 miles to drive.

Yes, Gwen loves Wam and I do believe she'd move the Sun to help him, if she could. But her hands were tied, as well, having been off work because of maternity leave. We were in a real pickle(and I can't believe I just wrote that I was in a pickle, I'm slowly turning into my Grandfather. Not a bad thing, he was a real good man).

My all time best friend, a woman I met, pregnant, so pregnant, she was due in a month, came to my assistance one time, when I was, gun in hand, surrounded by a mob of black people, ready to shoot to kill. She watched, as more and more, of these angry blacks, came outa the woodwork. It didn't stop her from walking down, as I stood there, ready to defend myself and she asked me if I needed help? I stated that I'd sure appreciate it, if she'd call the Police, which she surely did. They'd already received a call about a crazy white woman with a gun and we were quickly surrounded by about 8 squad cars. It took a lot of explaining and they almost charged me with brandishing a weapon but after they'd heard my story and quelled the mini riot that was about to happen, all calmed and they left, without charging me. I went up and thanked this spunky bitch, who ended up being the one woman in this world, I respected the most and knew if I ever needed someone to ride shotgun with me, she was the one. She had heart, the kinda heart, that's rare and only some understand. Coincidence...nope, it was an act of God that my son was less than 40 miles from this best friend of mine. Wam was in Mesa, Az. and Rene' lived in Coolidge. I called her, as a last resort and implored her, if she could help Wam? He went there that night, she topped off his tank, with her gas card and gave him a $100 the very next morning. She had to go to Douglass, the next morn, in the direction Wam needed to go and Wam followed her out and before she left him, she topped the tank off again. All she had was the $100 but she gave it to my son. Now, that is a friend, like no other. I've got big love for Rene' and will always have respect and be honored that she is my friend. I'll pray that she is blessed, as she has blessed others, with her unconditional love and friendship. They just don't make 'em like Rene'.

It was a start but Wam was not going to get too far, in a 10ft. U-Haul, on $100 and it was a 24 hour trip. I was pulling my hair out. Things have not been too great with my family, when it came to Waylon. They feel he's been very irresponsible, needs to get a vasectomy and yes, they'd helped him, when he was stuck in Georgia, under similar circumstances but was having seizures. He could go to Iowa, if he could get there, thus I had asked for their help. They begrudgingly gave it, thus I did not want to ask them again. It was back then, that Wam went to Iowa, got that good job and began to see Gwen. They weren't really too serious but they did sleep together. Of course, that's all it takes, one time for Wam to breathe on them and they will get pregnant.

Wam became like a candle burning at both ends, at that job. He stayed a year, until his apartment lease was up. His boss played some head games with him and would show his ass in front of customers. Wam was ready to beat his ass. He'd worked 6 days a week, sometimes 7 and 12 hour days. He was about to blow when his ex offered him to go on the road, help with his baby and do security and drive for the Magazine Company. It seemed like the right thing to do and he walked out on his job. His boss, even though he was an asshole at times, was so concerned, he'd put a Missing Persons report out, it was on the front page of the paper. His boss was devastated, knowing Wam never called off, never not showing up, he just knew something was wrong. Some time later, he'd found out that Wam had simply walked away from it all and that made him pretty pissed off and angry. Rightfully so.

So, Wam drove till he was on empty, pulled into a gas station and called me. In the interim, I'd talked to Gwen and she was just convinced that her Dad, who really liked Waylon, would help her with some money, they would wire to Wam. No such luck as her Dad was MIA and not answering his cell phone. We've yet to figure out why but we do know that one of Gwen's friends, hearing that he'd not been answering his phone, when we were in dire straights, was calling her father and cussing him out on his messages. We' really want to thank this dumb ass friend for all her help. you frigin retard. What to do?

I 3-wayed the call to Waylon's brother, Lee and begged for help. Lee, who is not working right now, gets SSI and is on a limited budget. He had one credit card left with just $160 on it. He allowed Wam to get gas, the first time, he filled the tank, costing $90. It only lasted about 3 hours and he was then in Ft. Morgan, Colorado, the next time he called his brother, at 2:30am. He was only able to help him with $60 more dollars. That wasn't going to get him very far. But the plan was that if he could get close enough to Iowa, Gwen and her Uncle would drive and get Wam, his belongings and Wam would have to ride his motorcycle, in the cold, in a snowsuit, the rest of the way to Iowa. At 2:30am, his last call to us, we thought he'd said that he had 17 minutes left on his phone card. His cell phone was turned off from lack of payment and his last boss refused to help him get it back on, for some really covert reasons. I hope that asshole, Chris Love from Love Technologies, gets a quick visit from my good friend, Mz.Karma, that's all I can say.

So, Wam left Ft.Morgan and I knew he wasn't gonna get far. Lee stayed up all night waiting for his call or something. I barely slept and we never heard from Wam again. I began to panic. I couldn't breathe around the 10th hour. So much could go wrong. My imagination really messed with me. I implored God to not test me with my son, I just couldn't take it. I prayed like I've never prayed. As the hours wore on, I began to beg and plead, imploring God to get him through this. I was a mess and began to call State Patrol and the police in every county he would go through from Colorado to Nebraska. I looked at the maps, I envisioned where he'd be. I made myself sick with worry.

Around the 17th hour, I found myself rocking, sitting on my bed, a basketcase, talking to God, out loud begging for my baby's safe passage, when the phone rang.

It was Gwen and Waylon was at her Grandma's, exhausted, hungry but alive and in one piece. I began to cry and thank God, over and over. I do pray God will forgive Waylon but he had got gas a couple times and drove off. It's surely not right but he couldn't call us as his phone card said it was expired. This was one of the absolute worst days of my life and then one of the most grateful, ever!

The silver lining came the very next day. Waylon, swallowed his pride and walked into his old job. It couldn't have been better timing as his boss and his bosses wife were the only ones pulling these 18 hour shifts. His last employee had walked out on him about 3 weeks before. They needed Wam and Wam needed them. He got his job back, same pay and unfortunately, same hours. But Wam is glad and more than willing to work those hours, grateful to have it all back.

Gwen starts back at her Union job and will have to put Austen in daycare but I think their futures so bright, they gotta wear shades. I love good endings...

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Bill/Samantha Halloween

My Granddaughter, Samantha! Oh and that Grim Reaper is none other than my Grandson, Lil' Bill. video

Friday, September 14, 2007

Sweet Dreams Darling; Do Over

This blog, I used to have but deleted resounds of my nice, sweet side. A place I might post the Grandkids pictures, this blog might even seem sappy. We'll see, huh?